Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Sadness and Joy

This last month has been chaotic to say the least, truck broke, plumbing is freaking out here, hubs went back to work, I could go on. Last week was an eye opening experience for myself. My 14 year old daughter had a plan to commit suicide. As a parent you dont want to receive a couple of different phone calls and this was one of them from the school counselor. I happen to be at a doctor appointment with my husband so I met the officer and the principal at the behavioral health center with my daughter. I was going through so many emotions and as I got closer to the door I almost burst into tears. We had to wait to see her, seemed like forever but it was only 15 minutes or so. The first thing she said was "wheres Steve?" I hugged her, held her and let her cry and listened to her apologize over and over again. After 7 hours of sitting in a small room and feeling like rats in a cage the ambulance came to take her for a 72 hour hold. When the ambulance drove away I broke down walking to the car feeling helpless and worried for her. The next few days were filled with a range of emotions and trying to make life feel normal for the rest of my children. We got the news we were able to pick her up on Thanksgiving morning. When the elevator opened she looked at us and said "I missed you guys" it was only me and Steve there to take her home she was feeling much better. She is bipolar and just cant control certain thoughts in her brain sometimes, so now with hopefully the right medications and therapy she will get the help she needs. 

All that being said over the last few months I have been struggling with what is my role in life, what am I here to do, whats my great work? Like a ton of bricks hit me yesterday morning I realized I am here to help her get through this time in her life. I worried so much when I stopped babysitting to clean houses I wasn't doing enough for my family, contributing financially. Cleaning houses has given me more time to take her to appointments and work on my sewing projects. I knew when I had kids I am the primary caregiver to them and I always would be, I would also do any thing for them. The over whelming feeling of I am doing this right and I am where I am supposed to be right now feels good. We still worry about money, bills, rent etc but that's life for us right now I don't want to be the person with all the fancy cars, clothes, cell phone etc. we have just what we need and are making it work. 
So Thanksgiving last week was a very good day with the family and many thanks to all of them for support and guidance love you guys!

Whats for dinner??? Turkey Alfredo yummmmmm..

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