Monday, June 11, 2012

Shes Gone

I have been thinking about this post all day today. Where should I start, the beginning I guess :). Our somewhat little family has been through a lot lately. My 15 year olds depression seems to be a little bit worse than her therapist had thought, so now we will be going to more groups. I have started Parent Project and find it very informative and much needed. I wish this class was mandatory for all people who have kids. It is a 9 week course once a week for 3 hours an hour away from home, I make it when I can and read the lessons when I cant make it. 
The three younger kids I think are feeling the loss of life from their mom and that makes me sad. I feel so drained at the end of the day and emotionally done. My husband, God bless this man, said there is nothing left of you when I get home. Something you don't want to hear from your spouse. It made me really think I need to be more mindful in the moment of whatever I am doing. I started watching more kid movies with the little kids and to have them fight over who sits next to me is kinda nice. We planted a garden my husband and I spend some time out there together. We actually had a date day doing our errands the other day and that was much needed. But for the past 2 months there was a growing pain in my heart couldn't put my finger on it until it happened, my 18 year old daughter moved out to start her new job, at Target YAY, and go to college. How do you let someone go that you have put so much work into? This empty feeling is so big I hate it. Don't get me wrong she needs to go and start her life, learn new things, grow and thrive. I just really wasn't expecting feeling like this. I miss her yelling MAM from her room, telling me all about her day, things she wants to do. I miss her in a way I have never missed anyone. I think it is mostly because she is my first child, I had her when I was 19 and some of the time we were growing up together. I did a good job I can confidently say that. I only wish her the best, many blessings everyday, so much joy she doesn't know what to do with it and for the love of ketchup she saves a little money. I love you Mary more than you understand. 
I have to do this 4 more times oh man!     

Whats for dinner? I am having a quesadilla with an egg and avocado.

1 comment:

  1. Oh no! Will I feel this way too with Solomon?! I had him just after I turned 20. And in so many ways we grew up together. I have become such a different person because of him. You are a fantastic mom, she will be so successful because of your hard work!